Middle of the Night Funny

Last night my husband got home from "coffee" (AKA beer and motorcycle talk) around 2:30am ish.  It was one of those times where I wake and think I am wide awake but really...I'm not.

He came into the room and grabbed his pillows.  I said, "You smell like beer".  He said "I do? " and sniffed himself...like that ever works.  He then said he was really stuffed up and knew he would snore so he was going to sleep on the couch.  He then made a joke that I can't remember and when I didn't laugh he said, "I'm funny."  

I responded with "funny like a splinter".  and then I started to laugh and couldn't stop for a minute.  When I finally did stop, I said, "I'm funny.  especially in the middle of the night."

When he just grunted instead of agreeing, I reached over and pulled his arm hair.  He said, "Did you really just do that?"  I said, "Yep, cause I'm funny, especially in the middle of the night." and started laughing again.

He left and I figured since I was THAT funny and THAT wide awake that I'd be awake forever.  But since I wasn't really awake...I was asleep in less than 10 minutes again.

Damn it

I am funny.

Sometimes.

Especially in the middle of the night.

Crickets

Well, frogs actually.

I have the bedroom window wide open and I can hear them. I love it. I loved hearing coyotes more as I went to sleep but there has been too much development around us since we've moved in and the coyotes have found other houses to howl at.

So now it's frogs. I feel like I'm camping or that my wildest fantasy has come true and I now own a lakefront cabin. Either way, I'm feeling pretty content in my alternate reality. 

Content enough to ignore my neighbor two doors down who keeps mooing like a cow. He has a fire pit, the smoke from which is being sucked into my bedroom adding to my camping virtual experience. I'm not sure why he's mooing though. Must be a country boy missing his home.

As for me, if I don't turn off this phone right away I'm going to miss my chance to fall asleep reading as I do each night and that would be a damn shame.

Goodnight loyal but tiny following. Goodnight stars, goodnight air... Goodnight noises everywhere.

2 am

2am thoughts can be skewed.

When my son was a newborn I hated 2 am. He wasn't big on sleeping (and still isn't 8 years later) and I often found myself up with him at that time. I'd sit rocking him in a chair by his bedroom window thinking longingly of my warm bed. I know some people love those middle of the night moments but I've always preferred them during the day after a full night's rest. :) 

I'd sit in that chair gazing out the window at the blackness of night and darkened windows, firmly believing that I was the only one awake in the universe at that time. 

2 am thoughts can be skewed.

8 years later - not much has changed. I still hate 2am. I *am* the only one awake in the universe. :)  This time I don't have a newborn to fuel my irrational night thoughts. This time I have only an over active brain that thinks too much for 2am...

2am thoughts can be skewed.

Nothing rational can come of 2am thoughts. 2am thoughts are usually overly dramatic or sentimental with only a gossamer thread of reality woven through. At least I'm clever? enough to keep my thoughts to myself tonight instead of typing them and feeling silly in the morning when reality shines its harsh light on my fanciful thoughts leaving me feeling somewhat foolish and remorseful...

Because 2am thoughts can be skewed.

Night Musings

3:15am...sent out an email.  LOL

In haiku...

Late night couch is cold
Fireplace cravings ensue
I go back in time

Or

Wool blanket warms
Will bake bread in morning
Winter can bite my ass now

Random thoughts - Direct from the source

It's 2:02am... The furnace is on and I'm awake.

I like to Imagine that I'm one of those people who can pack for vacation and use the tiny suitcase. You know the one. It's almost carry on size and its cute.

In reality I own the biggest suitcase known to man and pack everything but the kitchen sink making that suitcase weigh more than my overflowing laundry basket.

I think this work trip will be worse than usual because I need to bring my work wardrobe and personal life wardrobe . You think I was indecisive before? This has the potential to reach epic proportions.

With the blogger app working somewhat reliably I'm considering documenting the piles of laundry here because its bound to help someone. Perhaps someone will say " hey - that's how I pack" and feel like we are kindred packing spirits. Or maybe they will look at my packing pile, shake their head sadly and consider passing on a therapists name. In which case it will help them feel better about themselves not having such a sad affliction. Still other people will see that I am actually posting photos of packing a suitcase and decide that this is the post that makes them realize they should be reading better quality blogs. All the power to you bored readers. I have my 1 fan and they'll either forgive me or love me more. Lol

It's 2:17am and I was going to start telling you about my very first facial experience but I think I might be better off going to sleep and talking about that later. :)

Night Musings...

Sent to Seth at 3am:

Mix of work and not work....

Lesson 1: the 80% factor i mentioned fri morning may need to be
reevaluated to an 85%.

 Lesson 2:  once over the age of 35, even vitamin water drank in the
evening  can warrant a 3am trip for Zantec. Zantec is my friend but
not a fan of needing to sit up for 30 min waiting for it to kick in.

Lesson 3: when woken up by lessons 1 and 2, I learned lesson 3...
Middle of the night musings are like Mogwi... Don't feed them after
midnight or they breed nasty little gremlin friends.

Lesson 4:  (snipped for work content)

Lesson 5: not everyone should be teased

Lesson 6: just because I think a cold is leaving doesn't mean it is
so. Send new lungs stat.

Lesson 7:  sitting up and being awake at this time gives me unpleasant
flashbacks of holding a colicky baby boy and wondering if I'd ever
sleep again.  Lesson learned : not all memories are as fun to relive
as junior high school dances and old diaries.

Lesson 8: sitting cross legged on a couch covered in blankets at 3am
causes my left foot to go numb. Lesson: don't sit like that

Lesson 9: winter sucks. Retire somewhere warm.

Lesson 10: naps should be taken whenever possible - ideally 15-20
minutes long. I think 1pm sounds like a good time for this... And
maybe another if I can squeeze it in.

To wrap it up are two errant thoughts... 1. If I lose 5 more pounds in
2 weeks - I will drop a jean size and can buy new ones at Macy's. this
appeals to me. :)
2. 4 nights in Vegas. Will I wake up thinking stuff or sleep like a
baby ( not the colicky one but the sleepy second one)? Hmm... Shall
see...

Sent from my iPhone

Night Musings - Jan 23

Good lord - it appears that my stupid musings have gained a small,
insane but vaguely loyal following. Fine - you are all bcc'd and can
be those mysterious unnamed "friends" I mention on my blog.

It's 410am....been awake for 10-15 min and my brain won't shut off.

Why does it do this?

Task lists, priorities, friends, housekeeping, my lunch later today -
I am thinking of things so fast that I feel like I'm in a scene on tv
when a character is about to die and their life flashes before their
eyes. Only instead of meaningful profound moments it is piles of
meaningless crap.

Ok, to be fair, it's not all meaningless but I don't care what it is -
its not helpful to fixate on it at 4am.

I find myself glaring at my peacefully sleeping husband resisting the
childish urge to poke him in the ear and scream irrationally "What is
the secret to staying asleep all night?"

Meanwhile my eyes glance back at the clock in rising panic seeing that
even more minutes have ticked by and I still have  not resumed my
dream of winning the lottery and buying a Bluetooth shower iPod
thingy.

I am going to hit send now. You can fight and bet amongst yourselves
to figure out if I can fall asleep before my 530 alarm today. :)

Night Musings - Jan 16

Hello couch!

Did you miss me?

Do you know what I Hate most about getting the flu shot? Not getting
the shot itself but my brain. They spend so much time telling you the
effects you may get from it that by the time they squeeze the plunger
I'm positive that my throat is closing up and I'm having a reaction. I
swallow 1000 times to reassure myself that my passages are still open.
Lol

The kids did great. The nasal spray is the way to go for sure. No
tears, no screams. the boy volunteered to go first and was terrified
but then so relieved. The girl was excited and just wanted to go. They
are such opposites.

Now my arm is sore and I can't lay on that side comfortably. I
couldn't lay on my other side because the husband was facing that way
and I'd have to deal with my "don't breathe on me" phobia. :)

Couple that with 10 million thoughts about work and the department and
I had to move to survive.

That doesn't mean I'll sleep though....

:)

Sleep is overrated.

Night Musings

sent to friends at 2:42am last night
replying to one of them mocking me for laying out my clothes the night before....he said "LOL. You are such a mom.  Laying your school clothes out the night before."

Lol - being "such a mom" would imply that I do this for my kids. ;)

I have to have my clothes ready on a work day. I am the first one up. Not only am I unable to form enough coherent thought at 5:20 or 5:40 to choose clothing but I also prefer not to open my eyes until closer to 6. :) :)  I even had husband install a dimmer in our bathroom just so I don't have to have lights on until I'm fully conscious. :)

Like now... I'm sleep texting. How else can you explain my being awake at this time???   Sigh. I hate being right all the time. ;)

I guess to get the real picture you'd have to read what I sent before the mockery began:

I'm dragging my ass to bed...I'm nodding off on the couch.  Let's face it, I slept awesome last night.  It's inevitable that I'm going to be awake in the night freaking out about something stupid.  Might as well get a head start.  :)  Besides, it takes a good 30-45 minutes of puttering before I am actually in bed anyway.  Gotta lay out the clothes for the next day, take out meat for supper tomorrow, brush teeth, fluff pillows, tuck in my corners of the bed so i still have covers in the morning, stare at myself in the mirror and wonder if i should cut my hair, wonder where a necklace went, hunt for it, find a slipper, wonder where the other one is, see a book and start reading it, realize my hands are dry and find some lotion etc.  Guys just get up, remove their clothes and pass out.  Boys are dumb...how do they get anything done?

Night Musings

sent to friends at 2:48am Dec 17

Awake again but not for work related reasons today....

The reason is too boring to dissect so let's cover random thoughts instead .

* Last night around 930pm I posted the photo of the kids wrapped in
Christmas lights, mouths covered in duct tape, back to back in front
of the tree, on Facebook. As of right now there are 21 likes on it.
This makes me smile.

* I finished the Steve jobs biography on Saturday. To sum it up - he
was a brilliant asshole. An interesting read. I then started reading
"Left Neglected" - a novel I had downloaded in April before our
vacation. I never read it then because I got sucked into the world of
walking dead comics.  Somehow it grew cyber dust which I blew off
Saturday night. I can't put this book down. I am at 30% already and
have whispered apologies to the book for ignoring it before.

* the boy asked me how much we paid in daycare each month and I added
it up and told him while throwing up in my mouth a little. I realized
that in 6-7 years from now there will be no daycare fees and no car
payment.  The thought makes me giggle like a school girl.

* the kids and I had fun this weekend... Visited Santa, decorated a
gingerbread house, played Xbox, played sorry, helped the girl go
Christmas shopping at the dollar store, took the girl for a sleigh
ride followed by some snow play, finished reading Willie wonka and the
choc factory with the boy, baked two kinds of cookies and
washed/folder 5 loads if laundry. The girl has a talent for folding
wash cloths / towels and the boy for matching/folding socks.

* this made me think about socks and I was about to launch a tirade
about single socks and my hatred of washing them... But I think I've
babbled enough.

Caffeine will be needed tomorrow...today....

Night musings

Bet you thought I started sleeping through the night eh? Sorry to disappoint - I've just been staring at the ceiling instead of musing. This does not appear to be any more effective in helping me sleep.

As of right now we have five more minutes of daylight each day compared with 10 days ago. This excites me. I hate the darkness lasting so long.

I hear the wind blowing outside rattling the house. Is this what woke me up? It makes me think of the book Flowers in the Attic and I have to repress the urge to go sunbathe on the rooftop.

Writing this on the blogger app so I better keep it short in case it vanishes. They just updated it again.

Testing blogger app again

In case the magic works at 2:12 on 2012/12/12.

'Cause you just never know right?

Ice Cream Induced...

3:25am
Note to self:

Just because one has a craving for a peanut buster parfait at 930pm
does not mean one should indulge in this craving, especially when said
individual is not 21 anymore.

Clearly my aged digestive system would have preferred something akin
to a warm mash or a saltine instead.

I believe it was the horrible gurgling sounds that woke me up in the
first place but it was my big dumb stupid brain that started thinking
about work.

I won't even confess what ridiculously small work thing I am fixating
on at 315am. Even though every topic seems infinitely more profound at
3am- some tiny rusty logical part of my brain knows that this is just
weird instead. I tentatively propose that hot fudge causes neurons to
misfire. I have been having the same work dream looping through my
head all night.  That...or I truly am losing my mind.

You'd think that if I truly was losing my mind I wouldn't know or
recognize it so it must be the hot fudge. Or the peanuts. Or the ice
cream.  Damn you delectable treat for bringing work into my life at
3am!!!

Helllllloooo random brain synapses - cross the streams and let me
leave the work world behind in favor of something darker and more
titillating....

Like zombies.
There's always room for zombies.
Nom nom nom.... Brains.....

Random Mind Vomit...

2:31am...sent to Mrs Smith and Seth

the boy was coughing too much...
I delivered him some medicine 

Upon returning to my cozy nest i became obsessed by work thoughts again.  I hate that. I can tell myself that I am just one person and that there are at most 7 working hours in one day but that doesn't shut up those thoughts.  I like to cross things off my list not make the list longer.  My brain is not helpful in this desire.  In an attempt to mentally stab my brain with a qtip I forced my thoughts away from work trying to immerse myself in one of my favorite daydreams.

Even relaxing in my lounge chair i couldn't stay focused and that's when i realized that today was my Grandma's birthday.  Born in 1927 she would have been 85 today.  She was nutty.  She walked with heavy feet and when she hugged you it would crack your ribs.  She wore green nail polish and knitted slippers & mittens while watching baseball on TV.  On almost every visit you could be sure to be shown her latest garage sale finds and encouraged to put a few pieces into the puzzle she had going on the kitchen table.  If you were unlucky enough to be sitting near her as she went through her fridge you might have her appear behind you with a spoon saying "taste this, i think it's rancid."  She was definitely an early bird and most mornings could be found smoking a cigarette at the kitchen table playing solitaire while bread dough sat rising on the counter.  She had the most distinctive contagious laugh and I don't think anyone in our family can not remember her yelling YAHTZEE loud enough to scare dust bunnies. No one loved Christmas more than her and I think she would have been happy that I've been singing Christmas carols for 2 weeks already.

Happy Birthday Grandma!  I'll try and crack my kid's ribs today in your honor and might even be able to squeeze out a yelled "Yahtzee" for no reason other than to make my work mates think I've truly gone off the deep end this time...

Middle of the Night Thoughts...

Night Musings sent to friends at 2:10am

I am waiting for the body groove on the couch to warm up and my
Grandma quilt to stop my shivering so you two can enjoy? my useless
musings....

I want a magic wand.

I have a magic wand. I think today it's name is Carl. It came with the
fisher price magic show that I got when I was 9 or 10 years old. I
pulled out the set yesterday and showed some tricks to my kids. Even
though DS knew how some of the tricks worked, even he got caught
up when I made Carl come to life and produce a flower while I was
apparently focusing on making a ball disappear instead. Hearingmy daughter 's 
belly laugh every time I did it made it obvious that Carl
still has some magic left in him.

I feel sorry for people who have lost their delight at the little
things.  I still can't help but smile when I see someone throw pizza
dough in the air, when fireworks go off, when the Bellagio fountains
dance or when my peppermint mocha is just so.  I wonder if these
things make my face light up like my daughter's does when we dance in
the kitchen, sip pretend tea or when Carl sneaks out unannounced from
the top of my old wand.

I want a magic wand. One that works and takes away people's pain and
brings back the sparkle in their eye. I think we need more Carl's in
our lives.

While I'm wishing for magic.... It can't hurt to wish that my inlaws
in Arizona were the lucky winners of that record powerball lottery
last night. Apparently the winning ticket came from there. I would buy
myself a fireplace. I would hire someone to have thoughts in the
middle of the night for me. I would buy a peppermint mocha... With
sprinkles.

Late night musings....

Sent to friends at 2:36am

I think I've mentioned my fireplace love before...numerous times. It
seems inevitable that this desire would return as I watch the frost
creep across all the windows this morning....   Our furnace chose this
evening to commit suicide so our beds are piled high with blankets and
I wonder at what point I will begin to see my breath .  Mentally I'm
either curled in front of my fireplace again or stretched out on my
lounge chair in peurto moreles waiting for my next margarita. I
eagerly look forward to stepping out of this toasty nest into our
frigid room 3 hours from now....it's not obvious is it?

I've mentally decided to volunteer to take the bus in tomorrow to give
McGyver a chance to go buy furnace parts quicker. It's not that i
doubt he can fix it himself . After 18 ish years together he's done
many things to make my jaw gape in wonderment: laid ceramic tile,
laminate, drywalled, installed a gas line, fixed our old furnace , our
stove last month , our dryer 2 years ago etc. I think it's more that I
come from a home where aside from faucets and toasters... Duct tape
fixes everything.  I marvel at people who can fix things but with an
air of disbelief that it can be done at all.

Hopefully the heater is on the bus. I do like to be warm.  Is 630am
too early to add warming baileys to my morning coffee? Hmmm... I think
it might be.

Late night musings...

Sent to friends...Nov 15
2:15am

 Every night that I've made the middle of the night trudge downstairs
to the living room I have had the same thoughts...

* a week ago I forgot to look inside a suitcase pocket while unpacking
from my parents house and left my kindle book light in there. I can't
think of a better sleep inducer than the biography. Now
it's too late an too cold in here to go find it. Damn programmable
heat.

* in my sleep deprived stupor , how long before I miss a step on the
way down and break a hip? I am growing aged.

* there is something awesome about homemade grandma quilts on couches

* need to remember to check if our house thermostat changed hours at
daylight savings time . I suspect not. I'm cold although that matters
not at all right now. Sigh... Better check now...   Hmm... It is the
right time. I guess I just need to reprogram it to kick in earlier .
Now where's that warm spot I just left on the couch?

Other random thoughts...

* I'd like to poke someone with a qtip right now. Hard.

* I wish we had a fireplace. At the moment - a gas one. I'd hunker
down in front of it with my grandma quilt and let the flames hypnotize
me into oblivion.

* I have a page folded over in a book we have that has my dream
basement layout . If I were the queen of my world and had full control
of our basement development I would have done this layout. It had a
wood burning fireplace with a big stone hearth among other things like
overhead beams and big comfy chairs.... Ahhhh... When I win the
lottery....

* do you think I can count the words of all November musings to my
NaNoWriMo total? My grade 5 teacher told me I'd be an author
someday... Lol

* do you think the immense amount of grey roots in my hair are more to
do with my hair color right now or the fact that I have to deal with
as a team lead and 's  bathroom revelations & rocket jokes?

* do you think a hot massage guy with rippling shoulder muscles, a
cold afflicted voice with a delicious accent could remove the ache in
my back from  this effing? Oi... I just got all glazed eyed for
a moment falling into a shades of grey worthy daydream moment. Made me
bite my lip...

* time to wrap up.... The grandma quilt has warmed me and my eyes and
brain tired enough to let me sleep again. If I go fast enough I might
be able to generate a good dream about that last point....

Melly